One Year.

(This was originally an Instagram post)

May 3rd marked the one year anniversary of my ResplendentBride‘s homegoing. I took the Sunday off and The Professor and I hopped into the old black truck and rambled down to St. Louis. I spread a blanket over my plot, where I too will sleep and await Resurrection Day. I sat by her grave all day. I sat there and prayed for strength to keep going, because living without her is the hardest thing God has ever asked me to do, and ask it He does. I sat there and dreamed of Resurrection Day. I sat there and read from Isaiah 61 “He has sent me to bind up the broken hearted”. I wept there. I slept there.

Danielle’s Mother, Brother and I planted sunflowers near the tree line. I pray they grow tall & bloom.

Although I took a two week hiatus from the social media my dear ones remembered, and sent flowers, letters… And socks. I am loved well, without merit, near & far.

Keaton Henson might sing, “If you must die sweatheart, die knowing your life was my life’s best part.”

Natalie Merchant might sing, “You were the love for certain of my life, you were simply my beloved wife. I don’t know for certain how to live my life, now alone without my beloved wife. Oh I, can’t believe, I lost the very best of me.”

And Eddie Vedder might sing, “If I don’t fall apart… Will the memories stay clear? So you had to go… And I had to remain here.”

But I can’t sing.

So I’ll just dwell here, somewhere in the land of God’s fearsome Love.

There was once a Resplendent woman. She was kind hearted, and she was sweet. While others are good at talking about God, she talked to God. Hers was a life cut short, if you blinked you could miss it. Had you not known her you may doubt that such a one truly walked among us for a time.

She did. 

I feel the pain of her absence physically, in my chest, every moment of everyday. And they say men aren’t good at multitasking. But this one thing I do know: she shall Rise, Rise, Rise, above the Dragon, and the Reaper, and their monsters.

She is everlasting… holding crucified hands in the land of the Living.


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