I’d Rather Not

A poem from the pen of Jason Loveless

Would I rather be tall?
Would I rather be thin?
Would I rather I’d have
a little more hair on my chin?
The questions are simple
and boring and weak.
They tell you nothing about me
and how I’m unique.
Wouldn’t you rather our talks
be a little more deep?
Like we cut right through the surface
and move on from the cheap?
I’d rather take off
all these burdensome clothes.
But I just gotta warn ya,
it might bother your nose.
Cause sometimes I stink-
so I put on more layers,
to avoid all your questions
and uncomfortable stares.
So I won’t test the waters
to see if you bite.
I’m gonna jump in headfirst
and hope that’s alright.
I’d rather not tell you
of my struggles with porn.
And how I’d kept it a secret
from the one I had sworn-
To be faithful to
for all of our days,
and broke the heart of the woman
who once again holds my gaze.
I’d rather not share
that night of confession.
And how I’d wept like a pipe
burst under too much compression.
I’d rather you hear
how she forgave my mistake.
And how she stilled all my sobbing
with her loving embrace.
The forgiveness was immediate,
unconditional and true.
And the path to redemption
was long overdue.
I’d rather just tell you
about my wonderful wife.
and the God we can serve
because His Son gave us His life.
Cause it’s not about me,
or even my wife.
But it’s all about this Jesus we serve
to whom I’ve given my life.
I also gave Him my voice,
cause I don’t like to yell.
But He asked me to pick up my pen,
and frankly I’m scared as hell.
Like, what should I write?
What if people don’t care?
Was that even appropriate?
Or too much to share?
So maybe I’d rather just tell you
how I’d love to grow a beard.
Or maybe be a little bit taller,
and a little less weird.
But the Lord never calls us
to be something we’re not.
He calls us just as we are,
in our imperfect spot.
Because we don’t have to be perfect-
for that He has done.
So I think I’d rather just be
His totally dysfunctional red-headed step child of a son!
Jason Loveless went to Emmaus Bible College and has a heart for liberating men from the clutches of pornography and lust through the power of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. He resides in Baltimore with his 1st wife and two children. He doesn’t do social media. 

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